Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
