Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize