As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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