I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
