My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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