so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
