If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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