I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
