Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
