Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize