ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
