shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
