They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
