I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
