its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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