Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
