i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
