I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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