Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think your dad took our porno
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
