You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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