you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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