I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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