And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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