I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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