I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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