his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize