Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
