i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
