I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
