I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
