If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
