what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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