Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
