fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
