i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
