Sry I called you an 8
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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