Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
