Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
