3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
