So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
