I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
