I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
