Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
