i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
