if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
