If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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