So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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