we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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