everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
