I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
