you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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