I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
