Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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