I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize