I accidentally burped into my bong.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
that is very illegal...i love you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
