I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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