Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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