The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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