They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
