You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
