And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
