it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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