Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
