So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
