Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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