I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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