I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
